I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
ok first of all what the fuck
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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