There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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