i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
