apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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