It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
