i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my being single is dangerous.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
