watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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