So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
