No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
