i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
