Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
