she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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