did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
