Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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