Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
