i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
