My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
