after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
