Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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