whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
