will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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