Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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