Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
