Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
