waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
