i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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