i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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