I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
