Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
