Fuck appropriateness.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
