Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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