I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
