He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
