In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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