Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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