I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
