There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ruined the universe
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
