I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
