I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
