I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
