I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
