As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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