Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
