sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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