woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
