his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
