Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
