OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
