you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
