'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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