that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
