Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
