I think my vagina is haunted
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
