doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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