white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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