no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
