Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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