She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
